I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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