I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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