Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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