i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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