I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
