WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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