well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
