just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
