Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
