I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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