Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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