Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Randomize
