Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
