its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
