it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
