its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
