You smell like stripper and shame
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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