My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I wish there were birth control emojis
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
