I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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