My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
