I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
