At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
