So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
