I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
