my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
