first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
