Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
