i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He did a backflip because drugs
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
