I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
