You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
