Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
