mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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