y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We are two peas in an std pod
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
