my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
