Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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