I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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