you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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