Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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