Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
