Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
