had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
