i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
