i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
