I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
