Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize