I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My ass is underappreciated
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
