I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
His nipple licking is glorious
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