I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
