Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
