im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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