yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
