we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
