I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
