True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She even gives head with a lisp.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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