Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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