In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
