Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
