mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Let's get the cat blown out
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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