I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
