My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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