good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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