Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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