I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
