You smell like stripper and shame
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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