How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
