i just had sex bonerless
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
