dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
