You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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