I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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