just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
