omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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